so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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