We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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