Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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