So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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