It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
