sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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