Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
