The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
