Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
