I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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