:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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