I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
