First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
