Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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