just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
