Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
