now i know why i became what i already was.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
