i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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