you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize