whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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