if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
