Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
