We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
