I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
