idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
