i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
