your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
