The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
