Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
