So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
