12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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