College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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