vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
