Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
