You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
