i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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