so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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