the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
