Barsexuality is the new black.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
