NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
tell me about the fingering
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
