My nipple is on Facebook.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
