Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
