Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
