At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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