gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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