She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
