Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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