i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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