So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
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Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
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I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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