If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
