it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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