Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
