im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
