In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
