woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
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You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
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Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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