I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
