I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
