I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
