Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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