I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
