I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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