You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
