This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
