When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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