i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
