she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
