my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
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