The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
