yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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