mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying