I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays