I must be too annoying 4 u.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
