I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
