hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
if only i could text you this smell
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.