He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.