so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
