I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
