you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
