Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
