Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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